如隔世

過去的8個月所經歷真是遠超可想。

大環境到貼身，常平到大朗；工作上的際遇，生活上的變遷，在這之前真是想也沒想過，就算有想的機會都覺得是絕不可能的。

8個月前我是已在找新工作，畢竟晶苑的職位給到我的不是我所期待的，收入是可觀，但一次又一次被欺騙再被安排一些對我來說毫無意義的工作真覺必須盡快離開那迷茫困局。而當日義無反顧本著死了的心離開永勝是想出外看看世界看清自己，同時也是想與永勝來個了斷；但這次剛巧卻在工在私有個我無法推搪的位置，就這樣我回去了那一度覺得噁心之地。有過心理準備，但這次截然不同。可能別人會看成假裝偉大，但我真的全心全意想以自己所長去幫有需要的人。工作過程充滿挑戰，品質、產能、交期、效率，某程度上我卻是享受的，是我喜歡我擅長做的事(?)，而成果也相對正面。希望這3個多月所提升的產出能真的幫到更多有需要的，尤其病人。

生活模式也變了，春天都到秋天了，唯一不變是出門都要戴口罩，然而這8個月身心體會都仿如隔世。在孤獨的週末，明明多了我一直嚮往的私人空間，卻什麼都做不出來，多是白白浪費掉。生活情趣也減了，可能在大局無奈的環境下心都累了少了心思，就算出門或吃好點都沒勁；而入了永勝後平時每日體力更是耗盡，累到週末連心想都嫌累，只望能稍作片休，最好就當然是有人能給我呵護依賴讓我身心作息，這當然是痴心妄想。

這段期間對我來說已經過了太久，應該說是太多大事在這短短8個月裡發生了，變得之前的事頓感模糊。已經那麼久沒見過家中老幼，看相片現在女兒都比母親還高，回到去肯定會有陌生的隔膜。

8個月前的自己沒想到今天的我會是這樣，這疫情也好世局也好置身其中都有如大浪衝岸沙灘上的一粒沙，往後又會是怎樣又真的能落實與否感覺太遙遠 - 我已見不到未來。所以就這樣，我今天就窩在“家”虛耗算了，連食都無力氣/懶得去安排。

2019? Gone already?

Oops, that was 2019.

What had been accomplished?  Well...

I started with a trip to Shanghai for i4.0 gap analysis, but the whole crap just turned out in vain.  I still remember my Line President complained I wasted his 18 minutes just for introduction with (as if) everything he knew.  The take-back, however, was the chance to meet with that inspiring team and the interaction with them reminded me I am a professional engineer, not like those so-called "engineers" on 3/F.

Then all of a sudden I was sent to Bangladesh without knowing exactly why, what and how before boarding onto the plane.  I supposed my team had completed what the mission of the trip as written in the project definition email, but that "IE(?) AGM", without solid project goal, scope and plan, had many out of the box thoughts and endless extensions, which I and my team fork cared.  And my return trip was awkward, traveling with Mr. & Mrs. Lo, A Lo, D Wong and I Chow.  A Lo's comment about production management just told me he is incompetent and simply a baka.

Ya, I tried to resign and managed to get an offer from a precision metal components manufacturer in Zhongshan, but the package was just not attractive as expected.  Somehow I regretted turning it down later after some time.

I was committed with more operations exposure and IECP opportunities for my stay, but in turn I was actually given more chances to expose myself and act on my boss' behalf handling all HR sheep - CEO meeting, GE & LEA, Trainee Program, Associate Union, and so many misc jobs and tasks that left me with almost nothing in mind.  I just felt so sickening for what I had done since my stay decision made.

Ya, my 2 Associates left.  Thank God and mercies for them; wishing them best of luck after leaving this landfill.  Also, as of 12/31, 19 under me had gone in these 2 years.

I fell really sick in July and supposed that was my first time being hospitalized in public ward.  Why I deserved my night there?  By the way my hearing got worsen by virus infection after my BD trip.

What had I done in the last quarter?  I could not really remember, just those jokers and their stupidity.  Oh ya, I visited Yida and Martin; time to go lah...

The best part of 2019 definitely was our family trip to Singapore.  It had been so many years since I thought about going there with my child and family, showing her my schools and my used-to-be there.  Too bad I could not meet up with all my 3 buddies and their families there; but thankfully Danny spent his time and tried to take care for us since we touched ground.

Hunting for secondary school reminded me my time.  Jokes and anxiety.

Romance was not impressive anymore; it was turning into something too stable.  Not much to discover, but to get used to.  The trip to CM was great but almost turned out like our SG trip.  In short, again, never expect too much so to get hurt less.

New adventure, my LIVE HOUSE!  BR done; logo registration on the way.  Problems with opening a bank account.

What's next?  No doubt getting a new job that I am comfortable with.

I also saw my need of my own space and zone.

I am getting old and time to plan for something sustainable.

I probably could not get a second life/chance, but I definitely can improve things around me to make my life better.

Bye 2019, hopefully 2019 would not repeat ever after.