絕地心死

明知是錯還去做，高估了自己的忍耐力，糾纏了很久，始終注定失敗。

我覺得這是我與生俱來的責任，覺得自己是要去做的，但事與願違，做了那麼多反而只得反效果，還被至親唾棄，感覺比死更難受。

我一早就知道是可以的，我一早就知道我可以置身事外，但見雙親所受，覺得我是要去做的。制度虛設，人心不穩，效率無存，明知明受盡責罵，一次又一次的改革，以為就算是披著血只要一直向前衝也能到達目的地，卻在他們眼中是多此一舉。終於明白何以23年來都留不住一個懷才的忠臣。

我放棄的、所受的也是自討苦吃，是我犯賤。我真的可能是愚忠、多疑，我可能真的應該去為自己而活。待劫後重生穩定後，可能一走對大家也是最好。

I wish it's the end...

After all the suffering and hardship it seems to have come to the end. I understand how terrible and horrible it is, and I know exactly it will be absolutely my turn next time. I know the aftermath will still haunt us, like a curse chanted again and again, till it returns in 3 years. Then the cycle will restart and repeat, till the last breath I have.

Sad life; so sad.

Gave it up...

Yesterday was the last day for my ticket to be valid, without any opportunity to hesitate I had to give it up. For the fact of the current issues, I believe that is just the corner of an iceberg and there are more treasures of mine yet needed to be sacrified.

Passion of life totally does not exist in my mind.